Snake Oil/Rejection
I caught a post from a friend on FaceBook who mentioned that she recently had a few of her friends remove themselves for her friends list. One of them actually even went as far as blocking her. As a result of this, she expressed some understandable hurt. Her posts are always positive, uplifting, and even enlightened. Only the most miserable type of person could find fault for anything she expresses or find her posts offensive. I am very familiar with this type of rejection myself. My Snake Oil blog reaches almost 1000 people each month. I get anywhere from 5-20 people who request removal of their name from my column each year. I have been dropped by Facebook friends more than a few times, and in life as well. I was recently removed from a friend/client’s friend list (and requested being removed from my column’s mailing list also) who was always a big fan of my writing, teaching, and has had many personal sessions with me over the years. I noticed her posts becoming more “Christian themed.” Many of the last viewable posts I saw of hers were Bible quotes. Her two adult sons are actually hard-core Born-Again Christians. She has always wanted to get closer to them. It is likely that she has prioritized becoming more religious and being friends with the “New Age guy” may have not have been part of her new priorities. Whatever her reasons, a number of people told me they were also tossed from her list. Experience as a writer, radio show host, and public speaker for many years and being comfortable “putting myself out there” makes it is far less hurtful to me when someone decides to drop me in any capacity. Strangely, having more experience with these types of rejections in the past has made me far less reactive to this type of thing. My early writing submissions to magazines had frequent rejections and this also toughened me up! Rejection, while uncomfortable, comes to all of us in a number of different ways and is simply a reality of this world.
Recently half of my family chose to ignore or simply forget my youngest sister and her husband’s last Birthday. Their Birthdays are five days apart. This was by no means the first time she has been ignored and forgotten by members of my large family. I too have had my share of times when I was rejected by friends, in relationships, job interviews, and a number of other areas of life. In the 20 years of doing Navigational Consultations and Spiritual Counseling I have had clients I have worked with for years drop all contact without explanation many times. Because of my abilities in understanding the human psyche (Also Mercury in Sagittarius in 8th house) I can often understand what may have been the motivation behind their specific dismissals. Knowing the psychological motivations, Numerology, and Astrology of others makes understanding the “good” and “bad” aspects of other’s behavior quite a bit easier. More importantly, I learned long ago that most of the time the reasons for any rejection I experience have little or nothing to do with any lack coming from me. Financial limitations, depressions, embarrassment about falling into old patterns again, an urge for a new teacher, or just getting too busy in life to prioritize inner spiritual work are often the most common reasons. In all cases, I wish them the best and trust that new clients and students are meant to take their places (and they always do). Change is a natural part of life and nothing to fret about. Everyone who becomes part of our life isn’t meant to necessarily be a permanent fixture.
Most people, even if they do understand why they were rejected, experience some feeling of an emotional sting when they are tossed aside by people they care about. It took many years for me to develop neutrality around rejection. When I was in my early twenties I had a best friend for three years. He got his new girlfriend pregnant and quickly “did the right thing,” and married her. Within weeks of their marriage he stopped returning my calls and I was cut out of his new life. It was one of the most painful rejections I had ever experienced. I knew his wife didn’t like me, but I was still surprised that he acted in such an extreme way. He also cut himself off from other members of his family that he was equally close to. No surprise, he and his wife divorced after two years. He asked for my forgiveness, and I was happy to give it to him. Still, things had changed. I had new close friends and we would never get back to the closeness we had years before.
Many years of being an adventurous dater have left me with quite a few stories about rejections in this area. I once went on a blind date at a coffee house. We had exchanged photo’s online and talked by phone briefly. The day we planned to meet, I am pretty sure my blind date drove by (I was sitting at an outside table), saw me and kept going. Talk about some serious rejection! Some of the rejections I have experienced in the process of dating have been both troubling and kind of funny. I have always prided myself on being kind even when I am not interested in someone. Although I am guessing, I may have some past connections that probably didn’t see my dismissal of them as kind! I have had quite a few dates where someone really liked me and I was simply not feeling it. I recognize that I have rejected people equally as often as I have been the rejector.
We all experience rejection at times in our lives though some people experience it far more often than others. Approximately thirty percent of the population have a life goal of Acceptance (Michael teachings). People with this common goal are often “really-nice- people.” They are rarely racist, sexist, homophobic, judgmental, or mean-spirited. They are more inclined to be loving and kind to almost everyone. The positive pole of Acceptance is “Agape” or unconditional love. When they are not acting from the influences of fear, people with a goal of acceptance are highly evolved in their ability to love and accept others including themselves. The negative pole of this goal is “ingratiation.” Ingratiation is the fear-based process of bending over backwards to gain love and approval from others. These people will often “jump through hoops” and even accept mistreatment from others at times in order to be “liked.” A less common life goal that makes up only about four percent of the population is “Discrimination.” Its positive pole is Sophistication.” Sophistication is the process of developing high standards, a discriminating pallet, expertise, a sharp eye, and a healthy sense of self worth. Many film critiques, chefs, wine connoisseurs, and other talented people have this life goal. The negative pole or fear-based response for them is to experience a lot of rejection during their lifetimes. They experience more rejection than most of us because their “fussiness” or critical tongues are often difficult for others to put up with. They can become judgmental, opinionated, and even snobbish when caught in their negative poles.
Even if you don’t actually have either of these life goals (there are five other life goals*), we all experience rejection in different ways throughout our lifetimes. Using the positive pole of Discrimination (Sophistication) to our advantage can help us move through any rejections we experience. We can recognize that instead of taking a victim posture from any rejection we have an opportunity to move forward, grow, and open up to new experiences. We get to weed out people and things that no longer fit in our lives. Why would we want to be connected with anyone who doesn’t appreciate us or what we have to offer anyway? I had gotten so immersed into my friendship with my buddy years ago that I couldn’t see that when he rejected me (at the time I believed it was because of his “bitch wife”) it was time for me to move in a different direction. Some part of me rejected him knowing that there were new friendships and relationships that were calling me in my own evolutionary path. Two year later I moved to Phoenix. I would have had to let that friendship go anyway. Often our instincts tell us a chapter is over and it is time to move on, yet our emotional bodies hurt and can’t understand why we were “rejected.” While it may hurt us, rejection is almost always still good “medicine.”
I now feel detached about most rejections. The reasons for them do not need to be explained to me. I was lucky through my study of metaphysics to learn to not take this world personally. I do my best to teach this bit of wisdom to all of my clients and close friends. We can all use “Sophistication” in the best possible way if we choose to. We can also realize that we often reject others all of the time even if we don’t see when we do it! A lot of these times are minor, but they may seem major to those on the receiving end. The wink and smile from the recently single guy at Starbucks that you ignored may have been seen as a rejection. The female co-worker who thought you were her next best friend may have been seen as a rejection. The person on the subway who you chose not to sit next to who had low self esteem may have been seen as a rejection. The family member who thought you were going to give them a hoped for gift may have been seen as a rejection.
The bigger rejections of people we may have been close to at one time are also a real and common part of our experience as human beings. We might reject a one time friend because they married someone annoying. They may reject us because they want to be around other people who are now married with children. We may have had a friend who got into a dysfunctional relationship and distanced themselves from us to avoid us “judging” them. One of our friends may have hoped our friendship was going to become something more than just a friendship but we simply never even looked at them that way. We will hurt people we are close to and the same will be done to us from time to time. People project their ideals, hopes, scripts, and fantasies on us all of the time. We frequently do the very same thing. We piss people off without realizing it and also irritate others more often than we consciously recognize. It is normal to mourn a major loss and feel a bit of a sting when we are rejected. We are human beings who feel things. Still, our Higher Self does know what it is doing. At a deeper level, any personal rejection, even with people we were once close to is actually the ending of a mutual dance. We have just consciously or unconsciously chosen to not dance together anymore. Change is part of life and nature abhors a vacuum. It will inevitably replace the loss with something more in alignment of where we are now. Let all of your rejections be the gateways to new beginnings.
*The other five life goals from the Michael teachings are: Dominance, Submission, Growth, Revaluation, and Flow.
Jim Ventura 9-2012
Editors note:
I posted this on Facebook a few weeks ago and got some interesting responses (here are about half of them).
“Dealing with adversity
What if everything happening in our lives, no matter how bad it may look and feel, is actually part of the healing process of solving those problems?” Jim Ventura
“I’m thinking this falls under the category of strange but true!” BDO
“I agree totally on this...totally!” TAZ
“Glad you are wise - very glad you are listening to me, lol!” JWD
“Deep thoughts by JimV.” DC
My “deep thoughts” came during a meditation I was doing about why we go thru difficulty and a card that came up in one of my own readings (Like my Regular clients, I do readings for myself every two or three months). This is one of the Animal totems that came up in my reading.
In the Druid tradition the Cow represents Nourishment, Motherhood, The Goddess.
They believe that the Goddesses (Druids saw God in both feminine and masculine forms) generosity, healing, and nourishing power is present all around you - in your friends and children, in your food and drink, in your dreams, and particularly in the natural world you are blessed to live in. The Druids saw the Cow as a representation of the manifestation of the Goddess (energy) on Earth. This energy is a reminder that nourishing energy flows from the Goddess to each one of us. There is nothing you need to do to experience this nourishing energy,.
Often we experience difficulties when we believe our resources are limited, or when we have trouble allowing ourselves to receive. Even in times of stress, we can remember that the difficulties are there to remind us of what we may need to change in our lives or our belief system. Sometimes our “medicine” is painful or tastes yucky, but it will heal us if we allow it to!
We are entering the month of Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday) and my Birthday month. Another perk for November is the weather, it’s perfect this month here in Phoenix! The “big” presidential (Congress, house etc...) election is also this month. If you are like me, you will be glad when it is settled. The endless television and radio ads, calls, mailers, ugly political FaceBook posts (well some of them were positive ones) and mudslinging by both sides is enough already. I have had a number of clients ask me who I think will be elected. My answer has been the same for over two years. I felt Mitt Romney would get the Republican nomination and lose to Obama although it would be somewhat close. (I am not sharing my personal political affiliations, this is just what my intuitive and practical self has been feeling. While I have definite political opinions, I don’t use my column to advertise a political agenda in any way). No matter what your political beliefs and affiliations, or who you feel should or shouldn’t get elected, there are a number of metaphysical reasons why Obama will likely be reelected. The Astrology favors Obama (Leo) over Romney (Pisces) at this time. We are shifting from a Young soul world to the beginnings of early Mature soul consciousness. Romney is a Young soul and Obama is a Mature soul.There will be continued turmoil (Mature soul energy can be turbulent since it is all about seeing how we are all actually both diverse and connected) as we move through some real changes in the structure of our society. The slightly higher majority of the country’s probable choice of Obama reflects the move to the beginning of the majority being in the Mature soul category. While exact accurate prediction is never 100 percent possible, I would theorize that an Obama reelection is about 80 percent probable. (There will definitely be some controversy either way in this election. Mercury goes retrograde the day after the election. Last time we had that kind of chaos was the Bush/Gore election in 2000!) I will add more information in future newsletters about the different soul ages and how they manifest. The last installment of this I did was about Baby souls. The last time we had a Baby soul in office was actually Richard Nixon. It is highly unlikely that a Baby soul will ever occupy that office again in our country. I want to remind everyone that one’s soul age is not better or worse than another. They are simply expressions of different focuses and priorities as we move through many lifetimes and grow in our evolution of being human beings.
Information is always available at the end of my newsletter about how to contact me to book a personal session. Personal one-on-one sessions can be tremendously valuable. Remember that everyone who currently receives my monthly column gets $5 off all listed prices for sessions. Sessions can be done in person in my home office or by phone for out-of-area clients. All sessions are recorded on audio cassette. Clients are welcome to bring and use their own recording device if they prefer another method. My regular client program is also available for anyone who wants to come in and have regular sessions every three months (some come monthly). Regular clients get a bigger discount on session prices and also an opportunity to really develop spiritually! Contact me by email or phone if you are interested in booking a personal session this month, or if you want to get involved in the Regular Client program.
Wishing everyone a Happy November and a Happy Thanksgiving! Cheers. Jim V
“You can’t be someone you’re not. Stop trying.” Dick Sutphen
Snake Oil Radio
Every Thursday at 3:30 pm (there will be three live broadcasts this month)
My next live broadcast of Snake Oil Radio will be Thursday,November 1st, at 3:30 p.m. (MST). Every Thursday you can catch a new show. Each 45 minute show will expand on my current column’s subject matter. It will also offer an opportunity for you to call in live (or chat with other listeners in the chat room) with comments and your thoughts about the topic of discussion. Halfway though the show you can even ask me for a free 5 minute mini reading with your personal question. If you miss the live show, you can catch any of my previously recorded shows on the web site’s archive. You can also catch Snake Oil Radio on i-tunes (download my pod-casts there).
All you need to do is be at a computer and tuned into: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Jim-Ventura You may also access it by going to blogtalkradio.com. Type “Snake Oil” into the search option.
You can also go to the shows that are currently “On air” at that time and find me. The call in number is 646-200-3966 for questions and comments.
“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing...George Bernard Shaw
Current classes:
CREATING PROSPERITY
Many people have struggled with financial difficulties in the last few years. The economy is slowly improving, so this is a help. Yet, we always have the power and ability to tap into our potential to create prosperity, no matter what is happening around us!
Learning to open a doorway to living in abundance is possible. We can manifest prosperity in many different areas: career, finances, love life, personal happiness, etc...This class will focus on many different methods for generating personal wealth. Learning how to change beliefs and perspectives relating to finances will help you uncover the blocks that currently keep you stuck. The universe will support your decision to change your reality. Instructor Jim Ventura will discuss practical and metaphysical tools to show you how to create prosperity in your life. Saturday November 17th. 10 am - 12:30 pm. A maximum of 8 people for this class (minimum of 4 to hold). $20.00 prepaid before November 10th, or $25.00 on day of the class.
My next series of Michael classes will be in February 2013. Dates and times will be mentioned in my next newsletter.
“When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don’t see the one that has opened for us.” Alexander Graham Bell
Here’s my contact information to make an appointment for a session, or information on current classes: Phone: (602)957-3035 Email: Venturasag@yahoo.com
Information about the different sessions and types of readings and services, past Snake Oil columns, and how to order my books and audio CD’s can be found at my website: Http://JimVentura.com
“Friend” me on Facebook and/or sign up on fan page to get other extra offers and in between column extras!
All Current Snake Oil subscribers get $5.00 off all listed prices below.
All sessions/readings for 2012-2013 are: Full (70 minutes) $110.00; Shorter session (45 minutes) $80.00; Extended (90 minutes) $130.00 (two people can split an extended session back to back for $65.00 each).
I accept cash, checks, debit cards, Master Card, Visa, and PayPal for payments on sessions and for books and classes. Send me your Birthday month and year to get added to the yearly Birthday mailer promotion.
November suggested session option available with Jim Ventura in office or by phone. This is one of the many different types of sessions I offer. Looking at these influences and understanding the wisdom of Lakota philosophy can be life changing:
LAKOTA INDIAN CARD READING
Regardless of one's personal belief system, these teachings, meditation cards, and native American concepts are useful for illuminating issues, patterns, problems, and answers. The spread is part of a ceremony, a process of purification. You will be given 7 steps to prepare for transformation and rebirth (booking a 70 minute or 90 minute session time for this reading). It is the purpose of the supernaturals to force us to see our various aspects; to own and honor our duplicities as part of being human. They can then guide us to understanding, change, and true wholeness and balance. This session is an excellent way to approach any area of life that you may feel “stuck in.” Whether its relationships, finances, family, career, or any other area of life you can move through the current obstacles to manifest joy and peace in this and other areas of your life.
A shorter reading (45 minute), looking at the influence of the four directions also an excellent option with these cards.
* The first six people who contact me to book this specific session will get an additional $10 off my listed prices as a reward for paying attention and reading to the end of this newsletter :)
