Snake Oil/ We Just Disagree
I love to sing. Every month or two, I find a way to get out and do karaoke with a few of my friends. It was something I started doing nearly fifteen years ago. With practice, my singing voice has become better and my confidence has risen along with it. I actually enjoy the opportunity to influence an audience and take center stage for a few minutes. I have a list of songs that I know I can perform really well. Yes, its a real list and I am a little bit of a geek. I also have an unwritten list, that’s far longer, of songs that I could never pull off! My voice tends to be stronger with songs and keys that are on the low side. I can’t comfortably reach high notes, so this is what eliminates quite a few of the songs that I love, so I never attempt to sing them. I remember to challenge myself each time I go by doing a song that I have never done before. I prioritize the value of “stretching myself,” even if afterwards I have to scratch that song off my list permanently. One of my favorite “easy songs” is a song from the late seventies by Dave Mason called “We just disagree.” I have performed it countless times and I can honestly say that it is one of a number of songs that I can sing flawlessly.
The song has an amazing sound and simple lyrics but has meaning for me. It took me some time to understand the clear wisdom of the lyrics, but in my mid thirties, I finally understood its meaning. Dave Mason sings about a past relationship that didn’t work out:
“So let’s leave it alone. Cause we can’t see eye to eye. There ain’t no good guy. There ain’t no bad guy. There’s only you and me and we just disagree. oh oh oh.”
I remember when one of my long term relationships ended some years ago. We separated after almost three years together and I was bitter. My heart was broken and I clung to the idea that my ex was the “bad guy.” I believed that I was the “good guy.” He had an affair toward the end of the relationship, so it was easy for me to convince my friends and family that I was the loyal one who had gotten screwed over by him. Needless to say, they sided with me and reinforced my belief that I was the good one and he didn’t deserve me. I felt supported by my friends and validated that I had been mistreated. This helped me to move through the grieving process at first. It didn’t take long before I began to see things differently though.
After the anger and self pity faded, I was able to look at the experience from what I had learned from my many years of metaphysical studies. This shifted my viewpoint. When I looked at the situation through the lens of why and how I created this, I began to see that I had also contributed to the collapse of the relationship. After two years into the relationship I had begun to withhold affection, and was simply falling out of love. I was often finding myself irritated by many aspects of his personality. When I took an honest look at what had happened, I began to see it completely from an enlightened point of view. I could see that the joy in the relationship was no longer there and it needed to end for both of us. We were each moving in different directions. There was no good guy. There was no bad guy. There was only the two of us and we just were not in synch anymore. His affairs were simply the tangible excuse for us to both break away. Since that time, I have found it easier to see all of the relationships I have explored from a similar enlightened perspective. This has been tremendously empowering and I no longer participate in the illusion of victimization.
Once upon a time, I worked in a restaurant where some controversy started to brew around a year after we opened. The restaurant was not as successful as the owner had initially planned. He was not able to give the head chef some of the profits he believed he would have theoretically “acquired by now.” This contributed toward the chef finding himself dealing with some difficult financial struggles. The owner was struggling as well, but had some help from family and was less strained financially than the chef was. He was also more patient and willing to give things time to grow. The chef grew angry and felt victimized. The situation became progressively toxic. Many of the people that I worked with began to talk about how the owner had “screwed over” the chef. A few people thought that the chef was the bad guy, and “ungrateful.” It was uncomfortable for me to be around all of this opinionated speculation. It seemed that everyone around me was taking sides and wanted me to see why they were right, and who the “bad guy” was. It was clear to me that the owner had overestimated how much money he would bring in and was overly optimistic in what he could deliver. The chef was impatient, and while very talented and creative, was a bit of a martyr. He often spoke of times and circumstances where he “got screwed over” by others. People often steal to make up for what “should be theirs” and the chef did a bit of this to “balance the scales.” Eventually things resolved when the chef left the job. Still, there was still some bad vibes left behind over the whole situation, and many people were still convinced that they were on the side of “the good one.”
When we are willing to detach from taking sides and seeing things from the who is the “good one” and who is the “bad one” point of view, we can shift into a more evolved perspective. Some people take another extreme perspective in situations like this. Rather than decide that someone is the “bad guy,” they beat themselves up for getting caught in situations or with someone who is a “terrible person.” Their focus is more self deprecating and often centers around “how stupid they were for not being able to see what was happening.” They intensely berate themselves for their stupidity and “how they should have known better.” This is equally toxic, and also of little value. Even if we did “screw up,” and not see the signs or get out sooner, there is always wisdom in forgiving ourselves and the parties involved.
Difficult experiences are sometimes part of our learning process. If we had all the answers without physical experience, there would be no need for life on the physical plane. Forgiveness is always the key in all cases. We don’t need to continue a relationship with someone we distrust, however it is always beneficial to purge ourselves of rehashing the experience and holding onto anger. Wisdom and maturity are about releasing the idea of taking sides. When we let go of self-recrimination and stubbornly hating someone forever for “what they did to us, or didn’t do for us,” we are free to be happy again. It is not only far wiser, but ultimately freeing to let go of the illusion of sides. If that is too difficult for some people to do, then I suggest just singing a little song: “There ain’t no good guy. There ain’t no bad guy. There’s only you and me and we just disagree. Oh Oh Oh.”
Jim Ventura 8-2010
Editors Note:
This Snake Oil originally ran in October of 2010. One of the things I really like about re-running a Snake Oil from only a few years ago is observing how my writing skills have improved over the years. I have very few re-writes and edits to do in comparison to my work from ten years ago, when I first started the column! Perseverance and a bunch of planets in a Virgo conjunction in my 5th house Natal chart have served me well.
A few months ago when Mars was retrograde in Libra I really saw many people struggling with relationship issues. Mars rules what we get excited about and what we can get impatient about... While relationship challenges are always a common theme for many people, things seem to be less strained overall in this area since Mars went direct again.
I often remind my clients that forgiveness doesn’t mean that we agree with what someone did, or didn’t do for us. Wisdom is the ability to look at what part you had in it’s creation, without adding self-recrimination to the mix... Forgiveness is not about pretending that you no longer care and forced detachment. We can often love someone and at the same time, not really like them very much... Forgiveness is about letting go of the part of ourselves that keeps rehashing, stressing, and getting irritated with the trespasses we may have experienced. We are choosing to let go of anguish and to be at peace. I always humorously remind my clients that even if we do go through a break-up “all ex’s get hit with the ugly stick!” Meaning, after some time apart we often realize we are no longer attracted to that person. In most cases we should see that it happened for a reason, even if we don’t understand why yet. Often the doors open later to something much better in our lives. Not all relationships are meant to be “for life.”
There are still a few openings in September’s Prosperity class. Grab one of the last remaining spots before this class fills. I probably won’t be doing this class again until the summer of 2015. I will be doing some Tarot classes, and Astrology classes though in the winter. More information about this in next months newsletter. Wishing everyone a Happy August. Cheers, Jim V
“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?” Sydney Harris
Channeled corner. I read many, many books from different trance channelers in the 80s and 90s. Unfortunately many of them are now out of print, but I still have a huge collection and will share some of the best material I have collected over the years.
Bartholomew talks about our endless focus, and battle with “the curtain.” The curtain is what we believe separates us or causes us pain: Our job, our relationship, our family, body, what we lack, what we want, etc...
“...You keep trying to make sense out of the motions of this thin undulating curtain... I would like to tell you something, even though you have heard it before. YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE WRONG THING! You feel there will be a moment when that curtain, with its infinite number of ripples and tucks, is going to be in perfect alignment; and then you will have the perfect curtain, the perfect life! This drive for curtain perfection is so strong that you spend all your time trying to achieve it. It is humorous, but it is also very painful. No matter how much you try to understand the curtain, you cannot fit it into Divine Law. It follows the law of its own motion, which you know as the motion of the ego. When you fix your eyes on the motion of the curtain and try to make cosmic sense out of it, you are doomed to failure. The motion of the ego curtain is caused by ego energy. So stop looking at the wrong thing.
I am going to ask you to quickly complete a sentence for me in your mind. “I am unhappy because...”
However you finish that sentence, my friends, has something to do with the motion of the ego curtain. As long as you believe you are unhappy because the curtain is not in a particular place, as long as you believe you will never be happy until the curtain has a particular look, you are doomed to misery; because it changes endlessly. As soon as you have reconciled or resolved one of the folds of the curtain to your liking, look down three inches and you will find something else has moved out of place.
You ego tries to convince you that by paying enough attention to the curtain, you will get it to hang right. How many more lifetimes are you going to believe this? The motion of the ego curtain has nothing to do with your happiness. You truly believe when you have a very difficult situation in your life that you would feel more peaceful if this situation were not there. But as painful as your lives are, you need to keep the following in mind: the coming together of the seemingly separated powers is the only solution to your problems. Anything else is simply patching the curtain. You can choose one thing over another. You can leave this or you can keep that. You can make endless choices about the curtain, but in the end, it remains a curtain. The problem is not the shape, size, or number of folds it has, the problem is your transfixed gaze upon it...”
From the book Bartholomew Planetary Brother
“Before reacting negatively, ask yourself, Does it really matter or am I just acting out of a need to be right?” Dick Sutphen
Current classes:
CREATING PROSPERITY
Quite a few people have struggled with some financial difficulties in the last few years. The recession/depression that began in 2008 was a difficult period for many people. The economy has continued to improve, and this is a good thing. Yet, we always have the power and ability to tap into our potential to create prosperity, no matter what is happening around us!
Learning to open a doorway to living in abundance is possible. We can manifest prosperity in many different areas: career, finances, love life, personal happiness, etc...This class will focus on many different methods for generating personal wealth. Learn how to change beliefs and perspectives relating to finances as you uncover the blocks that currently keep you stuck. This is what creating prosperity is all about! The universe will support your decision to change your reality. Instructor Jim Ventura will discuss practical and metaphysical tools to show you how to create prosperity in your life. Sunday September 7th. noon- 2:30 pm. A maximum of 8 people for this home class (minimum of 4 to hold). $20.00 prepaid before August 25th or $25.00 on day of the class. Current Regular clients receive $5 off on the cost of this class.
“Never let your morals prevent you from doing what is right.” Isaac Asimov
Snake Oil Radio
Thursdays at 3:30 pm (there will be three live broadcasts this month)
My next live broadcast of Snake Oil Radio will be Thursday, August 7th, at 3:30 p.m. (MST -AZ doesn’t use daylight savings time). Almost every Thursday you can catch a new show. Each 45 minute show will expand on my current column’s subject matter. It will also offer an opportunity for you to call in live (or chat with other listeners in the chat room) with comments and your thoughts about the topic of discussion. Halfway through some of the shows you can even ask me for a free 5 minute mini reading with your personal question. If you miss the live show, you can catch any of my previously recorded shows on the web site’s archive. You can also catch Snake Oil Radio on I-tunes (download my pod-casts there).
To hear a live show, all you need to do is be at a computer and tuned into: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Jim-Ventura You may also access it by going to blogtalkradio.com. Type “Snake Oil” into the search option.
You can also go to the shows that are currently “On air” at that time and find me. The call in number is 646-200-3966 for questions and comments.
Here’s my contact information to make an appointment for a session, or information on current classes: Phone: (602)957-3035 text: (602)349-0746 Email: Venturasag@yahoo.com (best method for contact)
Information about the different sessions and types of readings and services, past Snake Oil columns, and how to order my books and audio CD’s can be found at my website: Http://JimVentura.com
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All sessions/readings for 2014 are: Full (70 minutes) $110.00; Shorter session (45 minutes) $80.00; Extended session (90 minutes) $130.00 (two people can split an extended session back to back for $65.00 each). Email me for information about my Regular Client Program for even bigger discounts on session prices with the added benefit of monthly or quarterly check-ins.
All Current Snake Oil subscribers get $5.00 off all listed prices for any 45-90 minute sessions (except when using a special discount promotion). Local in office visits receive another $5 off listed prices for cash or check payments.
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